Anxious and overwhelmed

Dear wordpress.

Today I am feeling even more anxious and overwhelmed than normal.

One of the youtubers that I watch on a semi regular basis has recently said that going to school for a creative medium isn’t the best idea because they’re not going to care about me, just about the most recent creative work that I’ve done.

And as an aspiring artist who really hasn’t started much or done much in terms of discovering who I am as a writer or potential film maker, this really hurts.

Like I legitimately don’t know where I’m going.

As a fan watching movies and tv shows, I tune in best with the emotions of a character, especially if said emotions are very strong.

This stems from me being rooted deep in my emotions.I tend to feel things and feel them so strongly it’s paralyzing.

I also can’t seem to separate the anxiety and the calm very well.

That’s gonna read so weird. Even now as I calm down, that reads weird.

I just… I’ll get so caught up in what other people say that I forget that whatever it is I have planned for the future will be my experience and no one else’s.

Everyone else’s experience does not apply to me.

I’ll make of this… something. I just..I can never separate the hysteria from the calm logic..

I dunno. When the hysteria gets high and I try and calm down, nothing gets through. I’ll do the wrong thing even though I know it isn’t.

My brain’s gone wonky.

Like…I feel like if I had at least one regular yoga class or boxing class ( which I do) to do a week, I’ll manage better.

But it’s a matter of following through and that I could never do

Until next time.


Old Habits die hard

And my habits have apparently died very hard.

Whatever plans I had to write every other day or to be healthy and go to the gym on the regular basis went out the window ages ago.

Do I have an excuse? Yes. Should I be using it? No, no I shouldn’t be. I should be capable of getting up early in order to go for a work out every week. I haven’t worked out consistently for a long while now.

I am so capable of doing this and shouldn’t be on wordpress complaining about how I’m not doing more of it on a regular basis.

And every time I say to myself, ‘Oh, I’m going to wake up early tomorrow morning, it’s gonna happen…”

It hasn’t happened yet.

I almost don’t want to do with myself because whenever I try, it doesn’t work. I also consistently never go to bed early which could also coincide with my current work schedule, but let’s hope I can get it back under control soon. I would love to be able to get back to working out (if not early tomorrow morning, then Friday.)

Thanks for reading WordPress!