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Anxious and overwhelmed

Dear wordpress.

Today I am feeling even more anxious and overwhelmed than normal.

One of the youtubers that I watch on a semi regular basis has recently said that going to school for a creative medium isn’t the best idea because they’re not going to care about me, just about the most recent creative work that I’ve done.

And as an aspiring artist who really hasn’t started much or done much in terms of discovering who I am as a writer or potential film maker, this really hurts.

Like I legitimately don’t know where I’m going.

As a fan watching movies and tv shows, I tune in best with the emotions of a character, especially if said emotions are very strong.

This stems from me being rooted deep in my emotions.I tend to feel things and feel them so strongly it’s paralyzing.

I also can’t seem to separate the anxiety and the calm very well.

That’s gonna read so weird. Even now as I calm down, that reads weird.

I just… I’ll get so caught up in what other people say that I forget that whatever it is I have planned for the future will be my experience and no one else’s.

Everyone else’s experience does not apply to me.

I’ll make of this… something. I just..I can never separate the hysteria from the calm logic..

I dunno. When the hysteria gets high and I try and calm down, nothing gets through. I’ll do the wrong thing even though I know it isn’t.

My brain’s gone wonky.

Like…I feel like if I had at least one regular yoga class or boxing class ( which I do) to do a week, I’ll manage better.

But it’s a matter of following through and that I could never do

Until next time.

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