the Meds Diaries

Dear WordPress,

I am feeling low today. While me feeling low isn’t a new thing, I am feeling lower than usual.

I missed my Computer Science class today.  It’s a lab, so it ‘s not like I’m missing anything except I am.

What I am missing is time. Time to do homework, time to catch up, time to get my shit back together, time to actually plan what I want to do every day.

I am ambling and I don’t know what to do with myself.  (Tomorrow, the voices say. Tonight. You can manage everything tonight they say)

The voices lie and I am lost.

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College Adventures – Day unknown

So I am down for the semester in 7 days (not including today) and I must say, this is stressful.

I got through to the last stages of an interview process, which is great, only to have them tell me to reapply at the end of April, when I actually have time to work full time. Only difference is, I’m not sure I’ll be able to.

Albeit, I’ll reapply. I would like the experience and all that, I just can’t work Wednesdays. And then I really want to get my mum to LA in June. Thing is don’t know we will be able to. None of us barely have any money at the moment, so it’s rough.

Plus, I’d really like the change of pace. The job I’m applying to is sales – I’ll be selling Telus items to small businesses (and it’s nothing like a Telecom thing, apparently). And it’s all door to door and based on commission, which I would like to try.

It might not be for me, but I might as well try. I’ll reapply, for sure. Maybe I’ll actually be able to do this.

Anyways, school is coming to a close and I am freaking out. Fingers crossed all goes well.

Talk to you soon. Bye wordpress! ❤

The Ace Diaries 

Sometimes being an asexual woman in a world where every other thing revolves around women’s sexuality is hard.

Albeit, being a woman in this world is hard period.

Not that there’s anything wrong with being sexual in this world. If you can own your body with confidence, I applaud you.

If you are a woman who remains kind and takes no shit, I applaud you.

I am not one of those women. I am still in the process of learning how to remain kind and take no shit.

I am in the process of trying to figure out how to still be me in a world that isn’t likely to listen.

Being ace in  a world where sexuality seems to be so important is hard, but it feels even harder to be strong in a world where it feels like your voice won’t be heard.

Thanks for reading WordPress.  thanks for reading.

The Meds Diaries

I may have found myself a new job.

I am terrified but also super excited. I was super nervous about it all last night.

I have been at my current job for a year and a half. I am so nervous to leave, if at all. It’s my first stable job in ages and it’s paid better than any other job I’ve had.

I told myself this year that I would keep trying new things, and this is the first biggest opportunity that I’ve had to move on.

I am super nervous because I want to try something new, I want to push myself to apply for jobs I may be underqualified for, I want to learn new things.

But then there’s also school. Albeit, once this semester is over, I won’t be going back to school until September, but still.

I still want to have a job come September. Albeit, I can always find something new, I can always reapply at Whole Foods, but still.

Maybe I’m thinking too far ahead. Maybe I’m playing it safe.

If I get this job, I think I’ll take it. It’ll be worth it for sure.

Thank you for reading WordPress.

Adrienne

 

 

The Meds Diaries

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - a treatment that helps people with mental
illnesses understand how to identify and potentially prevent their negative 
thoughts from influencing their behaviours and thus leading a better and 
happier life.

I have a therapy group starting in a few weeks and cognitive behavioural therapy will be used to help us manage our thoughts and all that jazz, so fingers crossed this will actually work.

Of course, this involves actually keeping track of our feelings and emotions, which I feel is going to be difficult because I personally get put off by the littlest things.

That, of course, will then proceed to affect the rest of my day, even if I recognize that I shouldn’t feel that way about it.

So. Well, we’ll see how it goes. Maybe this will help me be more organized. Maybe I should be starting that now (I’m not. There’s so much to do, and I have so little energy to do it with.)

Fingers crossed.

Thanks for reading WordPress.

 

Adrienne

The Meds Diary 2

Dear Diary,

It’s March 22nd 2017 and whilst it still feels like the end of finals is a million miles away, it’s actually all done for me in a little over a month.

Meanwhile, my generalized anxiety disorder has been mixed in with a side of depression (this might have been in my last update) and I have group therapy starting in a little less than a month as well.

Now, group therapy. Many of you might be thinking: “Oh group therapy, gods. I have to talk to people. I have to tell them everything. 

I’m not sure this is going to be like that. I went to an orientation yesterday and the doctors we’ll be working with have insisted us not telling them everything, for privacy reasons.

Which I get. I’d probably tell my mom or my sister about some of the things someone else said during that group if they said. Which would be disrespectful, in any case.

So. That’s good. I wouldn’t want anything I say that’s extremely personal to get out to other people’s family anyway. Anyways. Yes. I have group therapy starting next month.

And one of the things that we’ll be working on is cognitive behavioral therapy, which I was thinking about doing in a personal notebook of my own.

But I also have a blog. And I also think if I do this online, it would be beneficial for me. I might run into other people online who are going through something similar. It might motivate me into actually thinking more positively.

It might help me….I don’t know how it might help me. But it might. And I might as well start practicing.

Thank you for reading wordpress.

See you next time.

Adrienne

The Meds Diary

Dear Diary,

It’s been 7 months since I’ve started taking citalipram and I must say, I’m not sure I feel any better.

It gives me energy yes, but even then I feel like it’s barely enough. I have energy, yes but even then it’s only enough.

I feel like it’s never going to be enough. I’m just going to love this life without doing anything significant.

Albeit, I have a group thing for my generalized anxiety disorder starting next week which is nice.

However, my timing is terrible which is wont but it can’t be helped. I’ll just have to see if I can miss a midterm and make it up later.

Now to manage the anxiety. 

Wish me luck.

Adrienne