So, it is officially back to school time and as of December I will be at this for a year straight and I am already freaking out.
Of course, this feels like nothing new because I am anxious all the time but still. It’s only day one and my anxiety is already through the fucking roof (this isn’t good, it can’t be good, I have two jobs that I have to figure out and school to manage and lunch to manage and being healthy to manage and I swear to god I’m already going to go insane before the week is up.
I can not be this extreme (3 courses, 2 jobs – one early morning, one late night) and survive and expect myself to come out sane at the end of it (I won’t.)
I have a lot of good things going on for me right now, I have the potential to do great this semester, but I can not do it all at once. I have desires to pay off my credit cards (this will take a couple more years) and I just… I’ve made mistakes I shouldn’t have and I did and I regret them and now I feel like I am going to die.
Not that I intend to, but I sure feel like doing so.
Until next time.
Had a brief trip to the hospital today – had a major anxiety attack over financial stuff, so we’ll see how well it goes on top of the extra meds I got today.
Albeit, I am fine.
JUst one bad day.
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My group therapy’s been pushed back a week. THat’s not the issue however – the issue is me applying to become a freelance writer for a website that writes about TV/Movies etc. The thing is, I don’t have enough experience as a article writer to apply.
And even then, that’s not the issue – the issue is coming up with something cool enough to submit.
I’m gonna see if I can come up with something quick now so I have something to help keep me busy during the summer – wish me luck!
It’s been a long week. I still can’t take sass apparently. Or rather I can’t take off hand comments like “Oh, if you don’t have it, then what’s this?”
I swear I’ve had this job long enough to know when to check for products I’m not sure we have but apparently not.
I am still kicking myself, but the urge is so much more greatly diminished than it possibly could have. Not 2 months ago, this would be affecting me for a week. But there’s no use dwelling.
It happened once. That’s it. It was one mistake and there is no need for me to do anything stupid based on this one thing.
Anyways. It’s April. It’s been nonstop nonstop everything.
I get to take a video game course starting next month. I potentially get more hours (please) and LA in June. I am super stoked.
This is exhausting but I will manage.
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I am feeling low today. While me feeling low isn’t a new thing, I am feeling lower than usual.
I missed my Computer Science class today. It’s a lab, so it ‘s not like I’m missing anything except I am.
What I am missing is time. Time to do homework, time to catch up, time to get my shit back together, time to actually plan what I want to do every day.
I am ambling and I don’t know what to do with myself. (Tomorrow, the voices say. Tonight. You can manage everything tonight they say)
The voices lie and I am lost.
I may have found myself a new job.
I am terrified but also super excited. I was super nervous about it all last night.
I have been at my current job for a year and a half. I am so nervous to leave, if at all. It’s my first stable job in ages and it’s paid better than any other job I’ve had.
I told myself this year that I would keep trying new things, and this is the first biggest opportunity that I’ve had to move on.
I am super nervous because I want to try something new, I want to push myself to apply for jobs I may be underqualified for, I want to learn new things.
But then there’s also school. Albeit, once this semester is over, I won’t be going back to school until September, but still.
I still want to have a job come September. Albeit, I can always find something new, I can always reapply at Whole Foods, but still.
Maybe I’m thinking too far ahead. Maybe I’m playing it safe.
If I get this job, I think I’ll take it. It’ll be worth it for sure.
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Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - a treatment that helps people with mental
illnesses understand how to identify and potentially prevent their negative
thoughts from influencing their behaviours and thus leading a better and
I have a therapy group starting in a few weeks and cognitive behavioural therapy will be used to help us manage our thoughts and all that jazz, so fingers crossed this will actually work.
Of course, this involves actually keeping track of our feelings and emotions, which I feel is going to be difficult because I personally get put off by the littlest things.
That, of course, will then proceed to affect the rest of my day, even if I recognize that I shouldn’t feel that way about it.
So. Well, we’ll see how it goes. Maybe this will help me be more organized. Maybe I should be starting that now (I’m not. There’s so much to do, and I have so little energy to do it with.)
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